No doubt you have been showered with gifts regardless of your intention to stay simple, and the nursery is all ready to go. Possibly the most organized it will ever be.

And now here comes Baby.

Even when leaving the place of Baby’s birth, move slowly. Think of it as though you are moving in slow motion. Dr. Emmi Pikler® believed that the pace with which you move her greatly affects her sense of safety.

While fastening her in the car seat, place her so gently, fastening the restraints carefully and slowly. Explaining to her with a calm, kind voice before you move her, and as you move her. She is familiar with your voice and now with your scent and touch. This exchange is her first understanding of love. The way you touch her, talk with her, look at her expresses your love in the only way she can understand.

Put yourself in her booties and imagine how you would like to be handled. When removing her from the car seat, let her know before you move her body what you are going to do. Be patient and as gentle as before, supporting her head as you guide her body from the seat.

Cradle her to your body and explain your intent as you walk slowly toward her new home. I encourage removing her and not bouncing her around in a removable infant car seat, as it is your physical closeness she requires now, not distance. These seats are designed for the adult’s convenience – not the baby’s needs.

Baby assimilates everything, sight, sound, smell, touch, so be super conscientious of this in her new environment. Loud sounds for example will startle her, and imprint her psychologically so that when she hears that sound, she is no longer safe. Every detail will have a lasting effect.

Naturally we can’t control everything, and it would an unrealistic world if we did, but be mindful, and maybe explain to Baby, “Oh, the tea kettle is whistling, what a funny sound, it’s loud. It means the water is ready to make Mama’s tea.”

As you go through the motions of settling her in, use the same care and speed as you did with the car seat, always assuring her by letting her know what is about to happen before you move her. If you are stressed she will be too.

This practice is a game changer when it comes to relaxing your baby’s body while she is being manhandled for the coming months. To startle your baby is an affront to her sensitivity, so telegraphing the next move allows her to begin to learn your language and prepare herself accordingly. It is never too early to start this practice.

The first, second, third diaper changes, (and all the 100’s of others to come) should look something like this..

Have a complete, stress-free interaction with Baby. You might lean in close and softly say, “I’m going to take you to the nursery to change your diaper now.” Then place the palm of your hand on her belly gently. She will relax her body, and only then slide your hands slowly under her, one supporting her head, and the other lifting her back so that the front of her body is up against yours.

As you walk to the changing table, I would tell her quietly what you are doing, that you are passing the living room, going up the stairs, etc. Once at the nursery let her know that you are about to lay her body down. Then her body will relax further and down she goes, slowly, never allowing her head to take its own weight.

“Now I am going to take off your onesie.” And slowly unsnap her outfit. With each snap I would count them. “Now I’m going to remove your little arms from inside”, and do so slowly, very gently, kindly. “Now your little legs”, and no matter her kicks, work with her, not against her. “Now I am going to take off the wet diaper, it might feel cool on your skin when I do.”

Removing the damp diaper, always keeping one hand on her belly, reach for the wipes. “Now to clean you up a little, this might be cool on your body too.” Warming the wipe as much as you can in the hand, slowly, carefully wipe around her bottom and vagina. “I am cleaning your bottom, between your little cheeks, and all around.” Slowly between her labia, “And now your little vagina, cleaning away all the pee-pee from today…”

Lovingly caressing her skin with the wipe, and audibly describing her anatomy ensures a shameless approach to her flesh and bones, and the words used to identify them. “And now, I’ll put a little cream on your skin to keep you from getting sore or chapped…” rubbing the cream on gently, careful not to enter her vagina, respectfully acknowledging her as you go. “Softly taking care of your skin, my love.” Then with the clean diaper, “I’m going to lift your bottom, and slide the fresh cloth beneath you.” “There, now I’ll close up the diaper around you, nice and warm and dry.” “And now I’ll put on your onesie, and then you can sleep some more…” etc. etc. etc.

As you can see, this interaction is of the utmost importance. By allowing yourself the appropriate time to connect, to work together, you are not harming her body. You are not hurting her, rushing her, you are not harsh and distracted, holding her down, making her cry, embarrassed by the anatomy, smearing cold, abrasive sensations on her, penetrating her, penalizing her. She is quite content with herself.

And as the car seat and diaper change – every single interaction should be just this thoughtful and present. This is truly a practice. Some days you’ll be too tired to get it right, and some days she won’t be as accommodating, but you do the very best you can to respect your baby. If and when you make a mistake, acknowledge it and apologize. You are her universe, her hero, role model.